Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize