you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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