I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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