She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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