The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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