you have to choose: penises or morals?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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