I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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