saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He? As in you personified your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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