I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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