I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
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do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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