Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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