This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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