I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
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Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
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You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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