Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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