I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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