I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
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I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
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How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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