i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she smelled like a LAN party
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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