So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize