I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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