Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize