No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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