Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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