So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
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I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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