I met the friendliest cop last night
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize