Michael Bay diarrhea
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize