So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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