Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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