he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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