i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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