OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize