Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
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That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
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2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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