moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize