i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
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I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize