I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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