Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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