I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize