Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
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where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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