Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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