If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
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