ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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