Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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