You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize