the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
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A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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