so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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