How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
there is glitter all over my balls
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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