so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize