the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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