if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
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Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
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Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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