Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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