I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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