you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize